Starving for Perfection: Carmen's Story
by lellama
Summary: It's the 4th summer, and tragedy has struck Carmen. She rapidly loses weight as her eating disorder takes control of her. warning: anorexia. FINISHED
1. Tragedy

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's story_

Carmen sat back in her chair and licked the last envelope. She was finally done, and it had only taken her two fucking hours to address, stamp, and lick 50 envelopes. Carmen had always been slow when it came to getting important things done though. She lightly touched her hands over each envelope, feeling the smoothness of the paper under her fingertips. She traced the names, remembering faces from her past.

The death of her father had hit her like a speeding train. The feeling seemed unshakable, and she walked around as if she were a zombie. Tibby, Lena, and Bridget would sit with her for hours in her room, wearing the faces of worried teenagers who grew up too fast. Carmen wasn't acting like Carmen usually acts. Instead of forceful tears and screaming fits of torture and pain, she walked silently through the halls.

News of Carmen's father's death was a surprise that no one saw coming. When Lydia called Carmen's mother to tell her that her father had been in a terrible car accident, Carmen heard her mother scream. It had been days since the accident, yet Carmen could not seem to find her emotions. She took responsibility for the funeral announcements, because her mother and Lydia were too devastated.

Carmen bundled the envelopes into one hand and set off to mail them. She passed her mother in the family room who was balled up in the corner of the couch with a Kleenex box, watching Full House reruns. She quickly closed the door to her apartment, breathing heavily, as if she were being suffocated. As she ran down the stairs, she started to feel like it was more and more difficult to breathe. Her thoughts were bombarding her, racing through her mind, and she felt herself weakening from the pressure. As soon as the EXIT sign came into view, Carmen pushed as hard she could, bursting into the fire escape. The sun beat down her back as she gasped for air.

A siren had gone off, but Carmen didn't care. It was a faraway sound in her head, like a tiny beeping that seemed non important. She crossed the parking lot of her building and mounted the sidewalk. Her cell phone rang and the sounds of Nelly Furtado's new song reached her ears. The screen told her Bee was calling, and she flipped her phone open.

"Hey," Carmen said lightly.

"Carm, where are you? Tibby and I are coming to get you for ice cream."

Carmen sighed. She hadn't been hungry since the death. She had already lost 4 pounds. "Thanks, but I have some things to take care of. For the funeral."

There was a pause, and then, "You have to take a break from all that. You need your friends right now."

"I'll just see you guys later, okay?" Carmen knew her voice was on the verge of breaking

They said goodbye to each other and she hung up the phone. She realized Bee had gone through the same thing with her mom, but somehow, she didn't feel a bond with her. It seemed as if Carmen had left her body, and she didn't know who this new, strange person was.

**A/N: the first chapter is just kind of an introduction to the story, and what leads Carmen down the path of anorexia. She suffered a loss and it's mainly the root to her future problems. The chapter that follows will be set a month after the funeral, and the chapters after that will just follow. I hope you like it, and come back to read more! Leave me comments, they are much appreciated.**


	2. Fighting the Hunger Pains

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's story_

_I actually decided to set the story a couple of months later than just one_

**THREE months later…**

The hunger pains jolted Carmen awake with a start. It was getting harder and harder for her to catch any sleep at all. She decided to just get up, there was no use trying to take a nap when all she could think about was food, food, food. The last thing she had eaten was an apple, (well, ½ of an apple), and that was yesterday. It was 3 PM. She decided maybe she should just weigh herself, and record it in her journal.

She walked to the bathroom and got the scale out from under the bathroom sink. She stepped on top of it and sighed happily. Yes! She had lost a pound since her last weigh-in. She carefully set the scale back in it's place and went to go dig her journal out from behind her bookcase.

_Todays weight: 117_

_Goal weight for tomorrow: 116_

_Goal weight for the end of the month: 110_

She had 10 days to make her goal weight. She didn't know if she could actually make it, but her past goals had been achieved before, so why not this time? She used to be a curvy 5'7", and now she was a slim 5'7". That was how she looked to others anyway. To herself, she still looked like that curvy girl from 2 and a half months ago. After the tragedy had hit her family, she had stopped being interested in food for awhile. And when a couple pounds had dropped, she liked the results and kept going with it. Now all she had to do was eat little to nothing, and the pounds would just melt off her and she was closer to her goal of perfection.

Carmen felt the need to be perfect, because it was like showing her dad that even if he was gone, she could still strive for excellence. Her friends seemed worried about her, but she snapped at them whenever they would comment about her body. She assumed they were making fun of her because she was fat, when in actuality, they were trying to tell her she was too thin.

They had all conned her into meeting them at Burritovilla for lunch. She told herself that all she would eat was part of a salad. She was even too scared about that. It became a nightmare three times a day when her mother would call her in to come eat a meal. Usually Carmen got out of it with some excuse, but sometimes she didn't. And those were the times when she would practically run to the bathroom and throw up all the food that had just gone down.

Her mother seemed too wrapped up in her own life to see what was happening to Carmen. She had a baby and a husband to take care of, and those were enough to completely take all her attention. Carmen liked getting away with this. It was _her_ secret.

Carmen looked at the time and quickly put on some jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. It was 78 degrees out, yet she was cold most of the time. She swiped mascara over her long eyelashes, and lined her eyes with charcoal gray eyeliner. She applied a little bronzer on her cheeks, chapstick, pulled a brush through her usually luminous hair (now it was quite dull), grabbed her keys and left the apartment.

The drive to Burritovilla was fast, and as she approached the parking lot, she saw her friends' cars. She slowly walked in, recognizing Lena's face in a booth. She approached saying hi to Tibby and Bee as well.

"Hey! We ordered you the Burrito Grande like you used to always get," Bee said excitedly.

Carmen almost passed out from nausea just from looking at it.

"Um, guys, I don't know if I'll be able to eat that. I just have these horrible period cramps. You know how it is…" Carmen said the lie easily, even though she hadn't gotten her period in 2 months.

The disappointed looks on her friends' faces made her regret it instantly. She decided that one bite wouldn't hurt. But she felt guilty as soon as she took it, because she just wanted more. One bite wasn't enough, she had to have more. Bite after bite, she ate, and then half the burrito was gone. She realized in horror what she had done, and she excused herself to the bathroom. "Stupid, stupid!" She berated herself in her head. She checked all the stalls making sure she was alone, and ducked into the farthest one.

Carmen jammed two fingers down her throat, trying to make it come up as fast as she could. Almost instantaneously, her food came back up. She sat on the cold tile floor for 10 minutes, just retching. Her eyes were tearing, and she felt pain in her lower abdomen.

But what she didn't notice was the bathroom door opening and someone walking in. She flushed the toilet and walked out of the stall. That's when she saw her.

She sputtered for the right words. "Oh my g- I was just…"

**A/N: That's the end of chapter two! I guess you'll have to come back for the updates if you want to see what happens. Comments make my day! If you have the time, I'd like your input.**


	3. Losing Faith, & Inches

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's Story_

Carmen stuttered for the right words as she stared right at Lena's face. Lena tentatively took a step towards Carmen.

"You okay? I came to check up on you. Are you sick or something?" Worry was all over her face.

"I think it was the burrito. It didn't sit well in my stomach. I think I'm coming down with something anyway…" Excuses were racing through Carmen's head. But luckily, Lena seemed to believe her, for now, and she walked to the sink staring at the rich green irises of her eyes, and wiped the eyeliner smudges from under them.

"Hey Carma, we all decided that tonight would be the night we break out the Pants. We don't know how many more summers we'll have for Gilda's so we have to use it while we still can. You're in charge of snacks!"

Lena flounced out of the bathroom leaving Carmen standing in the middle of the floor feeling as dejected as ever.

…….

Fuck, fuck fuck. What kind of snacks was she supposed to bring? Carmen looked through the fridge. It all made her feel queasy, yet she felt desire at the same time. Weird feeling. She could bring carrot sticks…..No. Those were undeniably lame. She didn't want to bring junk food, because no one had really bought any in a while.

And then an idea struck her! She would just say she had a bag ready, but she had forgotten in on the kitchen table. They would be disappointed, but the night isn't _all_ about the food, was it? And whose twisted idea was it to put her in charge of the food? So not cool. She had enough to worry about.

Carmen grabbed her keys, wrote a quick note to her mom, and left the apartment. Crisp night air greeted her face and she breathed in the scents. She felt whole at night. The darkness seemed to wrap around her like a blanket. It protected her from everything. And she was able to block all thoughts from her head.

She made her way to her Honda, and stopped. She placed her hand delicately over her heart, and breathed shallowly. She felt as if something were wrong with her heart; it felt irregular to her. But after a minute, the moment had passed, and she got into her car and started the engine.

She drove down the streets listening to a CD her mom had left in the car when she had borrowed it. Sometimes, when Carmen would hold her hand straight out in front of her, it would shake from her weakness. When her stomach growled, her hands shook, and she would almost faint from dizziness just from standing up, Carmen felt like she had complete power. The control and self-will she had was empowering, and the feeling that accompanied her starving herself made her feel accomplished.

In the beginning, Carmen would go a day without eating, and wake up the next morning feeling like a corpse. The nausea that passed through her entire body would make her lay still for fear of puking right then and there. She had many mornings after that. Those were the hardest days to get through. Her small frame would now shake when she woke up. Blankets would be thrown from her in her fitful nights of sleep, and the icy cold would greet her in the morning.

Carmen turned off her headlights and pulled her car into the place where her and her friends had shared many memories. She could see that Tibby was parked there as well, and she was sitting on the curb, holding a package, and a flashlight. Carmen stepped out of the car and walked over to Tibby.

"Hey Tib. You the first?"

Tibby glanced up at her and then frowned. "Where's the food? Weren't you in charge? Or was it Bee? I can't remember."

Carmen smacked her head as if she just remembered something. "Shiiiit. I forgot it on the kitchen table. I can go run back and get it if you want." She really hoped Tibby didn't want.

"Nah. Not important. This is what matters anyway." Tibby held up a worn package, an article of clothing wrapped in Mimi's old blanket.

The girls stood up as Bridget and Lena drove up.

"Let us commence the Pants ceremony!" Tibby stage-whispered. "Follow moi!"

……..

The girls sat in their usual circle. The Pants lay in the middle. Different sized candles littered the floor; the glow casting innocence on the girls' faces.

"Um yeah, I think to start this off, we should all try the pants on again. Because we all know we gained a few in college. Are they still magic? Let's find out," Bridget spoke as soon as they had sat down.

Carmen nervously watched as Tibby pulled them up, and they fit her like a glove. Next was Lena, who looked as gorgeous as ever. Bee pulled them up, pretended to grunt, and complained they wouldn't fit over her thighs, but then they finally slid up her tan legs. They tossed to pants to Carmen, giggling about how the magic of the Pants never fades.

Carmen sighed inaudibly, and tried to find a dark shadow. She slowly pulled off her baggy jeans and slid the pants on. They came right up, feeling looser than ever. As she buttoned them and let her hands fall, the pants just slid right back down her legs. Embarrassed, she started to pull them off and looked over to realize each and every one of her friends had a look of horror on their faces.

**A/N: Thank you to all the reviewers! I loved your comments. They made my day. And I wasn't even going to update until tomorrow, but they spurred me on, and I decided to continue. Hopefully there will be another for tomorrow. And I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what you thought! **


	4. Waiting to be Saved

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's Story_

107

The scale proudly displayed Carmen's weight. The last two weeks had been hectic, and they had finally paid off. That night at Gilda's had not been fun, and ever since, Carmen had been a basket case. She remembered the events that night, and what was to follow.

"_Oh my God…What has _happened_ to you?" Bee couldn't hide the disgust in her voice. Looking at Carmen was like looking at a skeleton. "When did food become an option, Carma?"_

_Carmen hurriedly put her jeans back on trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She tried to speak, but knew if any words would come out, she would burst into tears. She decided it was best to be silent for a moment._

_Tibby's mouth was open, and she struggled for words as well. "Babe, I gotta say……actually, I don't know what to say." She just continued to stare at Carmen. _

_Lena started crying, knowing she would be the emotional one in the group. "Carmen, why didn't you come to us? We are always here for you. What makes this different then the other times? That day at Burritovilla, you weren't sick were you? I mean, you were sick, but you weren't like, sick sick. Oh, I don't know!"_

_Finally Carmen opened her mouth. "I can't you guys. I can't talk about this. I can't, and I won't." But Carmen felt tears slipping from her eyes anyway. Her three best friends got up and ran over to hug her. She sank to her knees, harshly crying, knowing she must look a mess. She had always been an 'ugly crier'. _

_The girls all slept at Bridget's that night. And all of them decided to bring Old Carmen back. They fell asleep, one arm slung over another._

Carmen loved her friends, but sometimes….they just didn't get her. She couldn't stop what was taking over her life. She couldn't imagine going on without the voice in her head, always telling her what she could eat, how much she could eat, and so on.

She grabbed her journal from its secret place and wrote her daily entry.

_Today's weight: 107_

_The end of week goal weight: 104_

Carmen was starting to drop only a few pounds a week, so she changed tactics in her diary. She enjoyed seeing the number drop. She felt as if her dad would see how diligent she was being, he would be so proud of her. If only her dad were with her now, he wouldn't let her do this to her body. He would take one look and say, "Carma, you are just as beautiful the way you are. Don't change, Bun." But he wasn't there. And neither was her mom, or stepdad, or Paul, or anyone. She was alone. Everyone was too busy. As much as she felt she wanted it that way, she really yearned for someone to see her. Of course her friends saw her, but they didn't _see_ her. They just looked at her as if she was a math problem, a solution only 3 steps away!

Carmen had felt a small glimmer of something when her mother looked at her one day, and said, "Carmen, baby, how much weight have you lost?" But then her feeling disappeared when her mother spoke again, the words cutting her like a knife. "You have got to give me that diet plan." And she smiled and walked away, not seeing the look of disappointment on her daughter's face.

Carmen was wrong about her friends. They wanted to help and that's why they came over every day, sometimes Tibby took Mondays, etc., or they would all come. They would try anything to help her, but nothing seemed to be working. She just lost more and more weight. They contemplated taking the problem to Carmen's mom, but they didn't want to anger Carmen, and they thought they could help her on their own. But when Carmen and come back from a week and a half trip from visiting Lydia, Krista, and Paul, she had looked gaunter than ever. The girls feared for Carmen and knew they would have to do something about it.

Carmen heard someone's footsteps coming up the stairs, and she quickly through her notebook under her pillow. She turned on stereo, immediately hearing The Fray, How to Save a Life. Lena poked her head in the door.

"Why are you listening to depressing music all by yourself. Although, I _do_ love this song." Lena threw herself on Carmen's bed. "Come on, let's go swim. My parents had the liner put in the pool this morning."

"Um, I don't know, Lenny…" But Lena wasn't listening, she was rummaging through Carmen's drawer for her swimsuit. When she found it, she looked gleeful, "Aha! Let's go."

"That is not going to fit me. I haven't swam since last summer." The summer at her Dad's house. She could feel tears rising just as she thought it. But she pushed them down.

"Ughhhh. Fine. You can borrow one of mine. Or Effie probably has an old one. Don't worry about it." Before Carmen could protest any more, Lena grabbed her arm and ran out of the room, dragging Carmen with her.

"Okay! Jesus. I'm coming. I just have to pee, I'll be downstairs to go in a minute." She went into the bathroom, shutting the door on her way in. Lena sighed and lay back down on Carmen's bed. As she placed her head on Lena's soft, down pillow, she felt something underneath. She grabbed a ratty notebook from underneath and curiosity got the best of her. Normally, Lena wouldn't pry into peoples' private things, but this was a special case, Carmen needed help, whether she wanted it or not. She slowly opened the notebook making sure Carmen was still in the bathroom.

_Today's weight: 107_

_The end of week goal weight: 104_

She started to flip through the pages from the beginning. The entries were all the same. The only difference was the numbers got smaller on each page. Shock shuddered through, as well as a feeling of intense alarm. Lena heard the bathroom door opening and without thinking she slid the notebook into her messenger bag.

Lena cleared her throat and smiled at Carmen. "Ready to go?" She offered a hand to her best friend.

**A/N: Sorry if there are any mistakes in this. I just kind of typed when I got an idea. Thank to all 4 reviewers, or however many of you commented on this story. It makes _me_ excited that _you're _excited. I kind of liked this chapter, so I hope you guys do too!**


	5. Realization

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's Story_

Shivering, Carmen walked up her apartment steps. She had only spent 45 minutes at Lena's pool, but that was about 40 minutes too long for her. She was too self-conscious to be seen in a small swimsuit for too long. And Lena was acting really weird anyway. And she kept catching her giving her worried looks. Carmen spent most of the time with a towel wrapped around her; shrouding her from everyone's judging looks.

Carmen opened the door with her key and silently walked in. She could smell her mother cooking enchiladas and she tried to block the enticing scent from her mind.

"Hey Mom! I'm back from Lenny's house."

Her mom's head popped from behind the door. Her face was the color of a tomato from standing over the hot oven.

"Hey Carmen. Dinner will be ready in about 15, so you can take a shower if you want."

Carmen trudged to her room and stripped off the borrowed bikini. Who invented bikinis anyway? She hated them for it. She grabbed her Pantene Pro-V deep conditioner and ran naked to the bathroom, hoping no one was in the hall to see her. She had to hide her deep conditioner in her room, because her mom was always using it.

She stepped into the shower, welcoming the hot streams of water run down her. Her body was so tired all the time, and all she ever wanted to do was sleep. When she laid her head on her pillow at night, she would fantasize about sleeping forever, and never having to wake up. She wouldn't be forced to eat, or go outside, or face anyone. She could dwindle away to nothing, until she would just disappear.

Carmen stepped out of the shower, and wrapped a huge towel over her shivering body. _Hmm, _she thought, _what should my excuse be tonight? _She had used the stomachache excuse one time too many. She didn't want her mom to really get suspicious. She had covered up her disorder from her mom so far by wearing huge clothes that would make anyone look small if they wore them. Once her hair had started to fall out, she would wear big headbands to hide it. Plus, they looked adorable on her, so that helped.

"Carm! Dinner!" Her mom loudly shouted up the stairs at her. Carmen put on a huge sweatshirt and some sweatpants and walked down the stairs. Excuses ran through her head, but none of them seemed realistic. Her mother and stepdad were already sitting at the table when she came down. A place had been set for her, and piles of food were already on it. Her stomach sank as she took a seat.

Just as they were about to say a prayer before eating, the baby started to howl.

"Ugh. You guys start, I'll won't be long," her mom said with a resigned sigh.

"No no, Mom, sit down. You always take care of it. I'll go see what's wrong."

Carmen jumped up from the table before her mom could protest and practically ran out. Thank God. This was her new excuse. She stepped into the baby's room, and lifted him into her arms. His weight made her buckle so she sat in the rocking chair and cradled him in her arms. She sang a lullaby to him that her father used to sing to her. The thought of her father combined with the baby crying made _her_ want to cry. Every morning, it was a struggle to get out of bed. She didn't want to have to face another day without her dad. Everyone seemed to have moved on, but Carmen couldn't. When she closed her eyes, she saw his face. When she tried to sleep, she heard his voice. When she thought of nothing but him, she could smell his familiar smell, and taste his famous pancakes, and feel him kissing the top of her head and say, "I love you, Bun."

…….

Carmen slipped into her covers, hoping they would heat up soon. But when she laid her head on her pillow, something didn't seem quite right. And then she remembered, her journal! She lifted her pillow up, only to find nothing underneath. Panic rose through, and she felt a lump in her throat. Where the FUCK was her journal!

And then the thought occurred to her. Lena had been the only one in her room. And she had looked guilty when Carmen had walked back in. But how could she do something like that to Carmen? Carmen could now feel a cold sweat start to form and she angrily got out of her bed. How dare she! How _fucking _dare she? The only thing that ran through her mind was to get her missing journal back. She put her clothes on without thinking.

If someone were to walk into her room, all they would see was an open window, and the breeze, steadily blowing the curtains out.

**A/N: So so sorry I didn't update sooner. I got grounded, and my computer was taken away for quite some time. I got caught sneaking out. Poo. But now I'm back! I've missed you guys (and your comments…)**


	6. Fall Into Darkness

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's Story_

Carmen slowly inched her way down to the windowsill, and slid over to the fire escape. The whole time she thought about how stupid it was to leave out her window. How was she supposed to get back in? Whatever. No time to think. She slowly inched herself down the stairs, so as not to make too much noise. She dropped to the ground and made her way to her car, thought better of it, and set out to Lena's house on foot.

The walk was long, but it seemed shorter considering how boiling mad Carmen was. All she could think about was the fact that one of her best friends had stolen something very personal from her, and she had to get it back. A car drove by; the headlights swept past her and into the night. The night air chilled her and goosebumbs rose all over her body. She shivered and crossed her arms over her body to conserve warmth.

25 minutes later, Carmen saw Lena's house. It seemed to loom up at her as she walked over to Lena's dark window. She grabbed a rock and flung it. Missed it. Damn. She flung again, this time the rock landed on the window pane. It hardly made a noise. She grabbed a handful of rocks and threw it. It made a much louder crunch and she saw Lena's light come on.

The window slid open, and Lena's sleepy head poked out.

"Carm? What are you doing here?"

"Are you serious? You don't know why I'm here? Give me back my journal! I'll just go ring the doorbell over and over if you don't come down." She started walking to the door but Lena whispered-yelled for her to come back, a look of wild panic in her eyes.

"No! You'll make my parents up and they'll be pissed. I'm coming down, babe." The light went off and a few seconds later Lena was coming outside, pulling a sweater over her head. She had the notebook in her hand.

"I know you're mad, but just listen, _this_ isn't healthy. What you're writing in here isn't normal. You have a serious problem and you refuse to see it. I'm just trying to help."

Every word that came out of Lena's mouth made Carmen more and more pissed.

"Wow. Thanks for the 'talk' Lenny, but you had NO RIGHT to take that, much less _look_ at it." The guilty look on Lena's face proved her right. "I just can't stay friends with someone who doesn't respect my privacy like that." Carmen took the 3 steps toward Lena and snatched the journal out of her hand. She turned to go, and Lena called out to her.

"Carmen, wait! Wait!"

Carmen didn't look back as she walked away. The hurt in her heart was overpowered by the coldness she felt now. She was losing herself, and she was too far gone to notice.

…..

"One, two, three, four…" Carmen had her hands over eyes, counting loudly. Keagan ran off giggling, his feet pounding the wooden floor. She was babysitting the Williamsons' son for the first time. She needed the money, and the new neighbors had jobs to go to.

It had been a day since the incident between Lena. Lena kept calling and leaving messages on her phone, but she wouldn't answer. Bee and Tibby also tried to call her. But Carmen had distanced herself from everyone. When Bridget had stopped by, Carmen didn't get up to answer the door. She just sat on the couch, blankly staring at the TV which wasn't even turned on. She repeated the same mantra in her head for hours. Thin as air, thin as air, thin as air. Dark circles had formed under her eyes, making her face look more gaunt then ever.

Carmen uncovered her eyes, and looked slyly around the room. "Ready or not, here I come…" Soft giggles came from the kitchen. She slowly walked in and pretended to search through the fridge and oven. "Keagan, are you in HERE!" She yelled while briskly pulling the cabinet doors open. She went to the cupboard under the sink and pulled it open yelling, "GOTCHA!" Keagan happily screamed and raced out between her legs.

"Come get me, Carmy!" She watched him run off, but the smile drifted from her face. Her heart was beating too fast, and she couldn't catch her breath. Her vision blurred and she put her hand on the counter to steady herself. She knew something wasn't right and she staggered to the door, opening it to the hallway. Her mom was just leaving her apartment next door, when she saw Carmen.

The last thing Carmen heard before she hit the floor and blacked out was her mother screaming her name.

**A/N: Ohhh my God. So sorry guys. I know it's been forever since I updated. I'm so lazy…but school started up and that's kept me pretty busy. And I've had writers block like CRAZY. I can't really call myself a writer though, this is just for fun. ENJOY. And don't hate me for taking so long. I promise a new chap. this week.**


	7. End

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books**

_Starving for Perfection: Carmen's Story_

Flashing red and blue lights danced in blurry motion over Carmen's eyes. The loud noise seemed off in the distance, and the chaos calmed her. She drifted in and out, only seeing glimpses of someone's face over her. Who was this strange man? And why was he buckling her onto a bed? Suddenly there was movement, and she felt herself and the bed being hoisted into something. Soon after, it all went dark again, and she closed her eyes softly; the peaceful mind among the midst of things.

…..

Sunlight streamed in through Carmen's hospital room window. She opened her eyes, and looked confusedly around the room. She smelled the familiar hospital smell, and heard strange beeps coming from the machine by her.

"Good afternoon, Carmen! Glad to see you awake. You had quite a spill. But I'm going to let you talk to your mom for a little bit, and I'll be back to talk to you soon enough. I hope you like Jell-O, it's on the menu today. Delicious."

Carmen then noticed her mom sitting in the chair next to her bed. Her mother got up and walked over to the edge of Carmen's bed, and put her hand on Carmen's.

"Hey, baby." A tear fell down her mother's cheek. "I wish you would've told me. You can always come to me. What happened to us?"

Carmen's heart welled up with emotion and she gripped her mom's hand. But no words would come out. She was too full of misery to talk.

"I'm going to wait outside your door while they do some checks on you. I'll be back later. Call for me if you need anything."

Her mom slipped out the door leaving Carmen fragile in her bed, alone like always.

…..

A month later, Dr. Richards came into her room with his hateful clipboard.

"Carmen, you have to start gaining weight back. You know I always let you leave the hospital, but this time your mother thinks you should stay, and I do to. You've dropped to 83 pounds."

Telling Carmen the number would only spur her on. Yet, hearing that she would be going into recovery was somewhat of a relief. She had lost touch with her friends, and even herself. Since she was 18, she would have to sign the release form agreeing that she would stay at the hospital until she had gained weight. She signed it, though the voice in her head was screaming at her, telling her it would be over if she did this. And for once in her life, she put the voice in the back of her head. It had been torturing her long enough.

All she wanted was a fresh start, and outlook on her life. She wanted to be part of the foursome she had left so long ago. She wanted to be able to pick her baby brother up without falling over. She knew that if she ever wanted to love something again, she would have to learn to love herself.

…..

Carmen dropped the last of the photographs into her suitcase. She was finally leaving the hospital. She had gained 20 pounds and looked gorgeous. Her 3 best friends had bags in their arms, all ready to go. She looked sadly at her room, and flicked off the light.

"You ready, Carmen?" Tibby asked, her hand on the door knob.

Was she ready? She had a future that she had no way of knowing what was to come. She didn't know if she would fall back into old habits. But if she wasn't willing to try, then she might as well unpack her bags and get back into that bed.

She sighed softly, and looked again at the dark room. "I'm ready," she whispered. And at that moment, she knew she was.

**A/N: So I lied. I didn't have a new chapter in a week. Oh well. I know this is short, and it ended faster than I thought, but I'm moving, and I just have a lot of stuff going on. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Maybe I'll write another story again some time. Thank you to all of the fans of this story! (Though not many…haha)**


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